Application

[muufuqin]

Name:Kim Namjoon

Nickname:N/A

Band/Solo: BTS (Bangtang Boys)

Journal: muufuqin 

Aim: #playedforkeeps

Age: 22

Year: Senior (as of fall 2016)

Fraternity/Sorority/Dorms/Off-campus housing: BCT

Major: Music Composition   Minor: Creative Writing

Clubs/Sports: Campus Radio

Biography:


Namjoon's mom left in the middle of the night when he was only ten years old. She left a wad of cash and a note promising to return for him. To her husband, she left nothing. Every holiday following that night, it was more or less the same. A Christmas card, a birthday card, a children's day card, each with money and message reading that she would return for him. He was fourteen when he received an invitation to her wedding.

He'd managed to keep his confusion and hurt from brewing into something more at that time, but at the sight of an invitation, anger began to bubble within him and he'd never really learned how to channel it into productive activities. So he held it in. He told anyone that asked, parents included, that he was fine when he wasn't. He let so many unspoken emotions sit at the very bottom of his stomach for years.

Studying helped him to forget the situation completely. As a result, he performed exceptionally well in all his classes. Music caused him to think about everything non-stop, but put out some decent lyrics and beats. And though he was an incredible student and a gifted musician, nothing was helping him heal, least of all his parents and new step-father. The anger, hurt and betrayal was still there, turning rancid in his stomach and awaiting the opportunity to explode and make a real mess of things.

Namjoon eventually went through that suffering artist phase. No one understood him or what he was about, least of all his parents. His mother had just announced that she and her new husband were expecting while his father was starting to go out on dates again. Namjoon was alone and stuck in a single moment in his life, with neither parent guiding him. In his mind, no one gave a shit.

Studying couldn't help him to forget these darkening feelings and music was only making it worse. This new baby would be the center of his mother's universe and this growing family would further pull her away from him and his father. This mysterious person his father was dating would pull him further away from him and his mother.

It wouldn't matter if he were smart or a gifted musician.

No one realized how much pain and negativity had built up inside the teen until one night when he'd sent a brick flying through the bedroom window of his mother and step-father. It didn't take long for Namjoon to be found as he hadn't even bothered to run away. He was a drunk mess, eyes filled with unshed tears.

Namjoon had always been a good child. He'd never given his parents reason to worry about his well being. He had a certain maturity that most children his age did not. He'd always accepted and never questioned. Perhaps it was because of this that his parents simply believed their son could handle things the way an adult did.

But seeing him crumpled on the ground, on the verge of tears and after such a display, his mother realized they'd done him no favors by treating him like an 'adul't so soon. They'd toyed with idea of counseling in the past, when they noticed how he didn't seem to relate well with his peers, but now, counseling was not an option.

Breaking a window via brick while drunk was probably the only real mark on his record and the one thing he finds himself constantly apologetic for, especially these days when he looks after his baby sister who adores him. What if he had hurt her? What if he'd hurt his mother? Or worse? Namjoon's relationship improved dramatically because of the incident, but the one he had with his step-father strengthened despite it. He may have never recovered from that moment had it not been for his step-father, who stepped up to be a much needed mentor in the boy's life. While Namjoon had his psychiatrist with whom he eventually confided everything, he also had his step-father, the soft-spoken novelist, to show him and remind him of all the beauty and pleasures life had to offer.  He encouraged Namjoon to allow his talents and interests enhance his life rather than serve as a distraction from certain realities.

Even his father's mysterious lover, a drag queen that called herself 'Ting Ling Sensation', eventually became a positive figure in his life, but that's a whole 'nother story.
  

Personality:

Around people he isn't particularly close with, he's charismatic, charming, cool, calm and collected. These are the five C's of distance in his mind. He will give the impression of going with the flow, when in truth, he might have a bit of a thing with control. Not so much controlling other people, but remaining in control of his actions and reactions. To not be able to control himself is way outside his comfort zone.

When with his brothers and close friends, he lets his horribly unfunny (and borderline inappropriate) jokes fly. The nerd within comes out in full force. He's serious when he needs to be, but that's usually in a classroom setting. He's done with all of the moping about and internal suffering. He might as well let himself live and enjoy what he does have.